“I’m done with online dating.”
“I’m just going to meet him the old fashioned way.”
Within the last two weeks alone, I have heard these statements boldly declared by both men and women (mostly women). Apparently, this is the common reaction to follow a slew of bad dates, a 3-month stint of casual hook-ups, or frustrating unanswered text messages.
“I’m deleting all of these apps!” Every time I hear this, I wince, shake my head slowly and give a sideways glance.
Listen. I have been there. I had the nightmare dates.
I had to cancel my wedding one month before the ceremony. Yeah, it sucked. I was torn, broken—and questioned if I could ever trust again, meet anyone worthy, or fall in love.
But since I have always been an online dating advocate, I knew that when I was ready, I would jump into the apps myself.
My first date
I met a guy on Tinder. He was Chinese, tall, smart, good-looking, worked at a big, local, Philadelphia-based company, and he liked to travel.
He asked me out for a coffee date. Perfect!
I thought I hit the jackpot! Can you imagine my luck of finding such a great online suitor on the first attempt? After an amazing 30 minutes of chatting about our background and hobbies, I asked him, “Wow, how are you single?”
He quickly replied, “Oh, I just haven’t found the right person yet.”
I gave him a quick hug goodbye. I immediately started texting my friends about this great first date.
And then, at 2:04 a.m., I woke up to the familiar text message buzz from my iPhone. It was him.
Him: “Hey! I had a great time meeting you today. So great that I have to tell you the truth about something. It’s been bothering me.”
Me: Great meeting you too! What’s up?
Him: I am actually married but I think you’re an Amazon catch and would love to spend some time with you.
Me: What? Why are you on Tinder?? What’s wrong with your marriage?
Him: I have been married to my wife for 3 years and I have never been with anyone else. I was curious and after meeting you, it would be wonderful to get to know each other.
I was disgusted. How could someone do that to someone they loved? In my moment of disgust, I told him that he should get off of Tinder immediately.
So many frogs
- I met guys who were 20 pounds heavier than their pictures.
- I met guys that got clingy after one date.
- And unsurprisingly, I met players who clearly just wanted to add me to their rotation.
Think of a type, I probably met someone who was similar.
There were moments where I was exhausted.
I wanted the comfort of stability again.
Through all of it however, I honestly never thought about deleting my account.
While I might’ve not logged in for a couple weeks, I saw no reason to shut down the channel.
If you were a product, you might market yourself on TV, radio, and through your social media platforms. Why limit yourself to one channel knowing that maybe your target audience is only exposed to one?
I believe that to find the one you’re looking for, you should cast a wide net. Shutting it down just reduces the chance of finding a catch.
And it’s important to point out that using online dating channels didn’t stop me from going to networking events or meeting people out at the bars. Online and offline are not binary choices, believe it or not, you can actually do both.
Online dating is just one more channel to help you find your match. The majority of people you meet will not be your unicorn. But every date will help you figure out what you are looking for and what you’re not.
It’s extremely rare for two people to find each other where the chemistry and fit is just right.
Find Your Very Own Unicorn? Hopefully!
A field of horses and I eventually found a unicorn. It wasn’t easy and believe me when I tell you, the courtship was not fast. I made him work for it, and thankfully he was willing to work for it.
Ladies, it just takes one.