We hear you…it sucks. You put tons of time and effort into this online dating thing. You read profiles. You think of witty opening lines. And you’re a GOOD GUY. You’re just looking for your match. But it seems no matter how hard you try…NOTHING.
Or maybe you’re one of the guys that got tired of reading the profiles and sending a thoughtful first message, so now instead you send out hundreds of messages per day, that all say the exact same thing, hoping to get a hit.
Well, both of the two scenarios have something to learn, read on…
The Reasons Women Don’t Respond To Your Messages
If you’re not reading her profile, and just sending the same copy-paste message, TRUST me, she knows. No girl wants to feel like the statistical anomaly that actually responded to your mass message. Women (human beings) don’t want to feel like numbers. They want to be respected and appreciated as individuals.
Cut it out with the copy-paste.
If you’re sending a first message that immediately goes into having sex, meeting up, or otherwise trying to close the deal, slow down. Unless you’re a teenage boy, you need to slow your roll. You’re not closing this deal in your first line. Seriously ask yourself if that has EVER worked. And if it has, what’s your win percentage? My guess, it’s pretty low, and it will only get lower over time as women begin to grow more and more weary of these pathetic attempts.
You’re better than that.
If you’re sending thoughtful messages, clever opening lines, etc, there are four reasons she won’t respond:
- She’s not interested. It happens. Move on. Don’t get angry, don’t get aggressive, don’t call her names. You’re not entitled to a date or a response. Would it be appreciated? Sure! But taking the low road only contributes to the reason women don’t write back. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
- She hasn’t seen it, hasn’t signed on, or is otherwise busy. Women tend to get a lot of messages. She may not have even seen your message. She may be overwhelmed by the number of messages coming in. It could be any number of things. Again, it’s not the end of the world, she’s not a bitch, let it go.
- Your profile needs work. As a male, your profile serves as validation. She needs to know that you possess the qualities that she’s looking for in order to respond. Women tend to be the gatekeepers, don’t show up to the gate in sweatpants with your hair a message rambling on about Battlestar Gallactica. Presentation counts. It may not get you the date, but it can sure disqualify you from getting the chance.
You can do better. I know you can.
When my girlfriend and I started this business, I was a champion for men. I told her of our struggles.
But as I saw the messages coming in on her OKCupid account where we’re promoting this business, the more discouraged I got.
Men, we’re better than this!
- We’re better than not reading profiles and sending copy-paste messages.
- We’re better than having our profiles filled with sad language about how no one will respond to our messages.
- We’re better than shirtless selfies and blurry pictures from our 2005 Blackberry.
- We. Are. BETTER. Than. THIS!
Be a winner. Show off what you bring to the table. Be kind. Be thoughtful. Be a decent human being. If we all did it a little bit better, maybe online dating would be so painful for everyone. And isn’t that what we all want?